With friends like these, who needs enemies?

Prada, Balenciaga, Harajuku Lovers, LeSportsac, Louis Vuitton, Chanel, American Apparel

In 2007, the average American woman purchased 4 handbags each year. That same year, I went through 2 handbags because one broke and the other was stolen. Here's a rundown of the bags above:
1. Prada-- my mom loves nylon Prada bags. She has two new ones and gave these to me.
2. Balenciaga-- Used, got it from consignment for $400. I saved part of my paychecks for months to buy it. I think it was $1600.
3. Harajuku Lovers-- waterproof duffle for my laptop and gym clothes. My ex got it on eBay, was great when we went sailing (he's an instructor).
4. Louis Vuitton-- my mom got it as a gift and used it as a diaper bag. See the stains on the bottom? That's from my bottles.
5. Chanel-- another gift to my mom from her friends.
6. American Apparel-- a boy stole it and gave it to me.

In American culture, there is a tendency to buy cheap and trendy (versus well-made) and then to buy another as soon as it breaks. I think that I'm in a point in my life where I can commit to a nice leather bag, but I'm too picky.

My criteria:
1. Silver or gunmetal hardware.
2. Suede or matte genuine leather.
3. Zipper or flap closure. No bucket bags or magnetic tops, I don't want to get robbed.
4. Crossbody strap. I'm a girl who needs to run to catch the bus and climb over fences.
5. Dark and monochromatic.
6. Fits a wallet, a cellphone, keys, and a bottle of water.
7. Not too big. Big bags are for high-maintenance people.
8. Under $200.

This comes close:

I don't think I'm asking for too much. You'd think that some female designers would know what the ladies want, but these days Alexander Wang and Proenza Schouler are the only designers making girl-on-the-go handbags...